Musings, Recovery

an honest post about hope

When I simply search the word ‘hope’ on Pinterest, here are some of the quotes that come up:

“hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness” -desmond tutu

“May your choices reflect your hope not your fears.” -Nelson Mandela

“a single thread of hope is still a very powerful thing.”

“hope is the only thing stronger than fear”

“Hope is not pretending that troubles don’t exist. It is the hope that they won’t last forever. That hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. That we will be led out of the darkness & into the sunshine.”

Those are great and all, but sometimes I actually hate the word ‘hope.’ I hate what it says. I hate that I don’t always have it. I hate that I can’t hold on to it. I hate that it disappears and then reappears at its own will.

I hate that I cannot always hold onto the vision of my life that I think is filled with hope. If I could only see that version–that life I am shooting for–then maybe the struggles would feel more purposeful. That is what I think hope is. Knowing that, yes, right now is hell and every moment feels like a year, but you see that thing in the future? That is what you are going for with all of this work and struggle. That is your hope.

So, stop telling me to be hopeful. I can’t be hopeful if I don’t have/see the hope. Let me find it. Let me search for it. Let me find MY hope. Because if it isn’t MINE, it won’t push me, guide me, motivate me.

It will only be a thing that someone tells me. It won’t have power. To have hope means to believe in yourself and your capabilities. It means that you find it in yourself. I need to find that hope on my own.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s