UNREVISED

betrayed by myself

ripped in two, stabbed

then, slowly,

pulled apart

tendon

by

tendon

(is this grief)

 

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Vulnerability is,

perhaps,

the hardest to comprehend.

It is the ultimate paradox:

to be strong you must be weak.

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Sometimes i want to stop caring.

How others feel.

If they like me.

What they think.

How i come across.

Whether i am wanted.

But being wanted is like needing air.

Our humanity, much like our physicality,

demands certain necessities.

Air.

Water.

Food.

Love.

To crave love is synonymous with existence

To push aside our nature

Our desire to be loved, wanted,

is to eliminate our emotionality

at its most basic sense.

As if to say, “here is the day”

without the sun.

unrevised

when you look at me, what do you see?

a broken soul slowly piecing itself together

a puzzle missing a piece

a person who was, but no longer is?

when you look at the stars

do you realize they died years ago

light the lingering piece of existence

that too becoming dim?

when you look at me, do you see me?

do you see me fading?

do you see me joining the stars?

 

(is this life) 

 

 

 

 

 

oiled floors

it slipped through slots in the cage

black oozing down

puddling on my feet

a throbbing mass of oil

staining stark sneakers

i feel the spot it left

ribs protect emptiness

 

(is this heartbreak) 

 

 

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you pull on heart strands

thinking i dont feel pangs

assuming they snap back smoothly

a rubber band suspended by tension

hearts dont work with spaghetti strings

 

you wonder why i dont feel joy

why my smile lacks heat of a

thousand candles

stars vacant from my eyes

blackholes enveloping any warmth

i stare back at you

 

do you need to ask

you already know

you are slowly poisoning me

from the inside out

 

 

 

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i often wonder if dreams are meant to entice

or destroy

if you bound onto a cloud

trampolining across the red horizon

do you fly indefinitely

or tumble from too high

 

what elucidates

the purpose you serve for the world

do i have one

is my purpose to be purposeless

a single drop lost among the myriad

of atoms

slowing slipping senselessly

into the earth

we all end up there, anyway.

 

 

ive heard if it isnt working

you didnt use enough duck tape

but i am a mummy

and i still fall apart

 

 

if baby birds get pushed out of the nest

learning to fly from the fall

why didnt anyone push me

or was i born without wings

 

do caterpillars know

they become butterflies

or do they spin a cocoon

blindly enveloped by dark

what happens if it never ruptures

i dont think mine did

 

what would happen if atlas dropped the world

the loneliness of the burden

finally depleting the fragment of strength

left in his body

but aren’t we all atlas

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The rain falls

Creating a layer of water

on my skin

I don’t feel it

Often

As my brain numbs out

So to do I become

apathetic

to the material

There is something so

Powerful accompanying

Not feeling

So overwhelming is the

Utter lack of sensation

the body ceases to react

As it would

Otherwise

So I stand

While the rain pours on

And my apathy persists

Indefinitely

mind vs. ed

 

*Note: ED means eating disorder

Conflict:

 

Imagine what the world could be

if it was only you and me;

the chatter of many fading slowly to few,

Think of all the time, the things that we could do.

Imagine all the wreckage, all the dead, the diseased,

the souls of all others suddenly ceased.

Wouldn’t it be quiet, only whispers on the breeze.

the crashing of the waves, the surf on the seas.

Imagine all our chances, the beauty and the grace.

The sky the only boundary, with smile on our face.

Imagine the sky crashing down,

the city burning, ashes on the ground.

The cries of helpless, panic ,and fright

darkness overwhelms, an ending of their plight.

Imagine all the good, the love and light

as we build a city of glass, mirrors shining bright.

The sun glints and shimmers as we finish our design,

but the world is far from done, beauty waits in line.

Imagine all the horror as the earth splits in two.

Run you silly souls, have you seen what I can do.

I have only gotten started with the torture you will face.

Brightness versus darkness; light will lose the race.

Two together make the devil present in the brain

fighting, clawing, biting, but only one can be tame.

Which will rule the conscious, which will fall behind?

Which will be the champion, who will win the mind?